Peter told me this story on our first date and every time I have ever heard him tell it since I still giggle myself silly. Peter was on his way into QUT after a huge day. He had been up in Murgon at an abattoir's getting worms from pigs for his Ph D project. Abattoirs aren't the most fun places to be, even if you aren't sorting through pig shit. So Peter was tired from getting up early, driving to the Darling Downs, sorting through slaughtered pigs intestines and staying out of the way of the scary meat workers. 

He didn't go home, but thought it best to get the specimens into work that evening so that he didn't have to worry about getting u pearly in the morning. So there he was, hair looking awful, flannelette shirt, spelling of pork when he was pulled over by a Random Breath test.  The policeman said "Where are you off to tonight mate?"
Peter replies "Just into work to drop off some specimens"
THe copper spies the bunch of bloody great big worms in alcohol on the passenger seat. "There nasty looking things, are they dangerous. "
Now Peter being Peter has always had a shtick for this one. When he dealt with mice and people asked if mice worms could hurt you he would say "Only if you are a mouse".

So Peter opens his big mouth and says "only if you area p...., No , they aren't dangerous to humans"
The cop takes a few steps back and lets him go. I always have visions of Peter and his worms being carted off to the watch house for insulting a police officer. 

The other happened at Scott and Lisa's wedding. They had a beautiful wedding. The dresses were gorgeous, Lisa and her bridesmaid were corseted so their pretty impressive cleavages were enhanced and Scott and Peter, being his best an, were dressed in Victorian suits with tails. They had to spend a long time getting the bridal party photos and during that time the photographers' assistant plied them heavily with champagne. 

As Peter was Scott's best man he had to give the speech to the newly married couple after a meal that had been  washed down with more chapping. Peter gets up and look s at the beautiful couple and says " I have been very close to Scott and Lisa for many years and consider them two of my breast friends". It was like something out of Benny Hill. It was so funny- it could never have been scripted. I think Scott and Lisa have it on their wedding video if you care to ask. 
Happy birthday honey, with love and kisses bunny Bronwyn

Haiku for Peter’s 30th birthday.
Man of anecdotes -
His stories taken away
In a new Camry.
 

Sonnet for Peter’s 30th Birthday.
Sweet cherubim proclaim without delay
The anniversary of Peter’s birth,
The thirtieth since he emerged on Earth.
A gifted man of letters some would say,
Behind whose brow great wit and wisdom lay,
A blarney-bless'd raconteur of mirth
Who matches all in words if not in girth.
O tragic day when thou didst go away!
We miss thy penchant for thine action toys,
We miss thy magnetism for the weird,
We miss those drinking binges with the boys,
And mourn the absence of thy bushy beard.
Without thee, sadly,  we will celebrate
Thy life, our hippy pinko doctor mate.

Once into the arrivals lounge however I was met by, amongst others, a small
hairy man named Peter Darben offering horrific tales of pig worms, haunted
K-Marts and (sent shivers down my spine at the time) cold chips.

It was Peter who, on my second day in the country, introduced me to the
foamy pleasures of Toohey's Old at The Story Bridge hotel. Peter who took
me to visit The Britania Inn and got us kicked out for wearing Doc Martins
(in an English theme pub... Only Peter could get kicked out for wearing
something as typically English as DMs). In short (and he is fairly short),
Peter took me under his wing and started me on the path from being a
whinging Pommie bastard to being a fair dinkum Aussie bloke.

If it wasn't for Peter talking Sandra into joining the Forteana majordomo
list on the net, I'd never have met her - for which I'll never forgive
him ;)

Jeff Braine